There are a lot of things unpleasant about the chapter of my life I leave behind today, and I’m working hard to not think of myself for being a mean person for leaving my room in a discussing mess, and vanishing without saying goodbye.

I am overcompensating but the fact remains I left behind a room that will require several days of dirty gross labour to clean. I’ve done similar things before, at least twice, but to landlords, not generous friends that have hosted me out of kindness.

It was mean, and I ran away. It hurts to hurt others. 

The fact that I paid extra as a cleaning fee helps ease my guilt a little. He will recover from it probably before I recover from the guilt of doing it. I don’t like being mean. It was just more than I could handle. So many loose ends. More than I expected. I procrastinated and then got overwhelmed and shut down.

Leaving a life of stuff behind is crazy. I don’t regret it, but I do regret how that part concluded.

On to the next part.