Trek Convention Talk

Top 15 Things You’ll Never Hear at a Star Trek Convention

15> “Will the owner of the red Porsche 911, license plate ‘STUDMFN’, please turn your headlights off?”

14> “Does this Star Fleet Academy uniform make me look fat?”

13> “Make it so, Baby, make it so.”

12> “It’s pointless to compare the original crew to the Next Generation, since they’re only fictional characters anyway.”

11> “I dunno, sometimes I wonder if the show was really deserving of all this attention.”

10> “Kirk, Picard… what’s the difference, they’re both losers.  I’ll take Will Robinson and Dr. Smith any day.”

9> “I got laid last night!”

8> “Look!  It’s Eddie Murphy!”

7> “You’re nuts.  Swimming is by far the hardest part of any Iron Man Triatholan.”

6> “Oooh, Girlfriend — Just look at all these hunks!  Set your phaser for ‘Love!'”

5> “If you think the brie’s good, you should try the salmon pate.”

4> “To Wong Fu, thanks for everything, Patrick Stewart.”

3> “Dammit, Jim — I’m a has-been actor, not an autograph-signer!”

2> “Jim Beam me up, Scotty.”

and the Number 1 Thing You’ll Never hear at a Star Trek Convention…

1> “Hey, guys, how ’bout we finish this conversation over a beer at the topless bar?”

Jeff’s Frogstar Additions:

1)  You spent WHAT on a junkie piece of plastic?

2)  I know they’re not really going up in value.  I just like to buy junk.

[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
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