Doctor Seuss Trek

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation.
By Dave Fuller

Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go! Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can’t, We can’t, we mustn’t, and we shan’t, The danger here is far too great!

Picard: But surely we must not be late!

Troi: I’m sensing anger and great ire.

Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship’s on fire!

Picard: The ship’s on fire? How could this be? Who lit the fire?

Riker: Not me.

Worf: Not me.

Picard: Computer, how long til we die?

Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data: May I suggest a course to take? We could, I think, quite safely make Extinguishers from tractor beams And stop the fire, or so it seems…

Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You’ve saved the day! Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much. You’ve saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi: We still must save the Indran planet —

Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite…

Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist. We understand — we get your gist. But can we get our ship to go? Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi: There’s sabotage among the wires And that’s what started all the fires.

Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no! We need to go! We need to go!

Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy And lock him up and ask him why?

Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental. I say give him problems dental.

Troi: Are any Romulan ships around? Have scanners said that they’ve been found? Or is it Borg or some new threat We haven’t even heard of yet? I sense no malice in this crew. Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us. They cry out, “Help us, clothe us, feed us!” I can’t just sit and let them die! A doctor MUST attempt — MUST try!

Picard: Doctor, please, we’ll get there soon.

Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon.


Worf: The saboteur is in the brig. He’s very strong and very big. I had my phaser set on stun — A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one! He would not budge, he would not fall, He would not stun, no, not at all! He changed into a stranger form All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf? Did you see this creature morph?

Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly. Hit him on the jaw — quite squarely.

Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend! Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher: Now let’s get our ship to fly And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard: LaForge, please tell me we can go…?

Geordi: Yes, sir, we can.

Picard: Then make it so!