If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation.
By Dave Fuller
Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far?
Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But can the Indrans there survive?
Picard: LaForge, please give us factor nine.
LaForge: But, sir, the engines are offline!
Picard: Offline! But why? I want to go! Please make it so, please make it so!
Riker: But sir, if Geordi says we can’t, We can’t, we mustn’t, and we shan’t, The danger here is far too great!
Picard: But surely we must not be late!
Troi: I’m sensing anger and great ire.
Computer: Alert! Alert! The ship’s on fire!
Picard: The ship’s on fire? How could this be? Who lit the fire?
Riker: Not me.
Worf: Not me.
Picard: Computer, how long til we die?
Computer: Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
Data: May I suggest a course to take? We could, I think, quite safely make Extinguishers from tractor beams And stop the fire, or so it seems…
Geordi: Hurray! Hurray! You’ve saved the day! Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!
Picard: Mr. Data, thank you much. You’ve saved our lives, our ship, and such.
Troi: We still must save the Indran planet —
Data: Which (by the way) is made of granite…
Picard: Enough, you android. Please desist. We understand — we get your gist. But can we get our ship to go? Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.
Geordi: There’s sabotage among the wires And that’s what started all the fires.
Riker: We have a saboteur? Oh, no! We need to go! We need to go!
Troi: We must seek out the traitor spy And lock him up and ask him why?
Worf: Ask him why? How sentimental. I say give him problems dental.
Troi: Are any Romulan ships around? Have scanners said that they’ve been found? Or is it Borg or some new threat We haven’t even heard of yet? I sense no malice in this crew. Now what are we supposed to do?
Crusher: Captain, please, the Indrans need us. They cry out, “Help us, clothe us, feed us!” I can’t just sit and let them die! A doctor MUST attempt — MUST try!
Picard: Doctor, please, we’ll get there soon.
Crusher: They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
Worf: The saboteur is in the brig. He’s very strong and very big. I had my phaser set on stun — A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one! He would not budge, he would not fall, He would not stun, no, not at all! He changed into a stranger form All soft and purple, round and warm.
Picard: Did you see this, Mr. Worf? Did you see this creature morph?
Worf: I did and then I beat him fairly. Hit him on the jaw — quite squarely.
Riker: My commendations, Klingon friend! Our troubles now are at an end!
Crusher: Now let’s get our ship to fly And orbit yonder Indran sky!
Picard: LaForge, please tell me we can go…?
Geordi: Yes, sir, we can.
Picard: Then make it so!