A few years ago when I was deciding on all the life changes for the second part of my life, after having found myself living alone for the first time ever, one of my favourite discoveries was how much the simple act of sharing a TO-DO list changed everything. Each morning, I’d load up yesterday’s list, check off tasks completed, write a brief summary of my day, and share the list with someone. Over time, the WHO changed, but the simple process of updating it daily and sharing it with another changed tasks into responsibilities. A witness to procrastination helped to motivate me more than I was able to do on my own.
This year, I slowed my progress down in most areas for various reasons explored in the other pages of this blog. One of those things nearly abandoned was my TO DO List. The people I was sharing with were among those emotionally affected by some of my newly expose drug habits and our interactions seemed strained because of it. With no reactions at all, the act of sharing the list changed. Sharing was no longer motivating, but how transitioned to being yet another source of guilt and sadness. Another display of my failures, recapped every day.
I’m building myself back up, and I need that to do list and the motivation of friends and family, so I look forward to the upcoming spring weather, and a newly refreshed me. This is the email I sent today, but I suspect I’m on the lookout for a new share recipient. It’s not a hard job… Being alive is a plus, but not a deal breaker.
Monday May 7, 2018
Dear Friends and Family.
After several successful years of sharing my TO DO list every morning with you, the messages were being sent less and less. As of May, I was not really sending any at all.
Like a sign on the wall that becomes part of the background after a week or so, the TO DO ritual became less helpful. We were pretty much ignoring the process, and it contained unfinished items for over a year. It became almost a mockery of itself.
I looked for systems to replace it, but a TO-DO list that is effort also gets ignored so I just kept doing what I do, working on the tasks of whoever was complaining about being ignored each day. I kept remembering the old joke of the man who returns to the shoe repair shop in his hometown after finding a 5 year old ticket in a pocket and he’s told; “They’ll be ready Tuesday”. Customers never liked when I told them that joke as I would give them a similar reply to why their job was still in progress.
However – I do need to see a to do list now and then. I do need to be reminded that some tasks are being ignored while the “fun” ones are tended to. I don’t function without reminders and nags. My brain has difficulty with recalling things on it’s own, especially when so many new and shiny things are in front of me.
Now more than ever, I need to earn my income again after a reckless short stint of financial comfort that came and went too quickly.
Today, on a Monday, I have been re-energized by necessity and a new found joy in web design thanks to a new development tool that allows me to enjoy even tedious projects.
I want to do good things again. To be active and productive at least a few days each week.. so I return to my TO DO list, shared with you.
If you still have interest in assisting, then feel free to interact and inquire about some of these tasks. I hope to check some off with regularity and maybe shuffle them around in order to help me choose between the past-due items which all have equal priority in the eyes of the long waiting clients.
If you don’t, that is fine too. The act of sharing has a purpose, even if not used interactively. It helps to provide a guilt-based responsibility just knowing somebody else is witnessing the stagnation, even if only occasionally. If you’re alive and you saw this message – it’s helpful. If you didn’t read it, then I don’t know that, so it still works. Parts have been casually redacted for privacy reasons.
[_] Magic Pigeon Racing
[_] John VanO stuff
[_] Litespeed research / changes
[_] Discovered BlowerTech site needs a lot of work for unknown reasons.
[_] Domain Check for Arctic, Stivervale
[_] Email inbox read/respond/purge
[_] ALWAYS Laundry…