Shatner’s “I Am Not Captain Kirk” Rant
Trek legend William Shatner has aimed a rant at fans who really think he is Captain Kirk. Shatner, who hosted a gala last Thursday at Montreal’s Just for Laughs Festival in Canada, delivered his own spoof of Molson’s “I Am Canadian” rant.
“Hey, I’m not a Starfleet commander or T.J. Hooker
I don’t live on Starship NCC-1701 or own a phaser.
I don’t know anyone named Bones, Sulu or Spock.
And no, I’ve never had green alien sex – although I’m sure it would be quite an evening.
I speak English and French, not Klingon.
I drink Labatt’s, not Romulan ale.
And when someone says to me, ‘Live long and prosper,’ I seriously mean it when I say ‘Get a life!’…
My doctor’s name is not McCoy, it’s Ginsberg.
And Tribbles were puppets! Not real animals! Puppets!
And when I speak, I never, ever, talk / like / every / word / is / its / own / sentence!…
I live in California, but I was raised in Montreal.
I believe in Priceline.com, where you never have to pay full price for airline tickets, hotels and car rentals.
I have appeared on stage at Stratford, Carnegie Hall Albert Hall and at the Monkland Theatre in NDG (Notre Dame de Grace).
And yes, I’ve gone where no man has gone before. But I was in Mexico and her father gave me permission.
My name is William Shatner and I AM CANADIAN.”